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Citing unspecified foundational issues, the Government has announced its intentions to demolish the new Marsh Harbour airport terminal and rebuild it. Government sources claim the new building will be completed “expediently and with the tightest of cost controls.”

New Airport Condemned: To be Demolished and Rebuilt

 

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UPDATE: Yes. This is our annual April Fools Day Article.

Citing unspecified foundational issues, the Government has announced its intentions to demolish the new Marsh Harbour airport terminal and rebuild it. Government sources claim the new building will be completed “expediently and with the tightest of cost controls.”

To oversee the process, the government has employed the services of internationally renowned airport consultant, Adam Finkle.

“The construction took too long to complete and left the foundation exposed to the elements,” said Mr. Finkle. “So what we’re looking at is a newly completed building acting like an eighty year old one. Crumbly bones and all.”

Speaking to Abaconians who may be blindsided by this unfortunate news, Mr. Finkle explained, “I mean, the signs have been there,” he said, “They haven’t even bothered to have an official naming ceremony yet. It’s still just ‘Marsh Harbour International.’ If they were serious, the ‘Leonard Thompson Int’l’ name would have been proudly displayed by now.”

He continued, “On top of that, they have not put money aside for maintenance and upkeep of the facility. Come on! That was a clear tell. They have money for a new freight terminal next door, so of course they would have it for simple things like bathroom tissue. No, this is simply a case of your government looking out for your best interests and not sinking a bunch of money into something they knew was going to have to be destroyed.”

The government will also have to restrict air lift into Abaco for “at maximum, three months,” since the old terminal would be unable to handle the sudden influx.

“Luckily the government has been working for you behind the scenes and is already one step ahead.” said Mr. Finkle, “Implementing a host of restrictive new airline fees and taxes over the last two years, they have ensured air traffic is kept to a reasonable minimum.”

Mr. Finkle is a wealthy Texas philanthropist. Many readers may remember Mr. Finkle who, last April 1, attempted to purchase the Hope Town Lighthouse and move it brick by brick to his private island in the Exumas. However, due to fierce public outcry, he did not follow through with his plans.

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