Want A Third Child But My Husband Refuses
moncler sale outlet I am writing to ask for advice on how to accept that my husband doesn’t want more children and I do. We are in our early 30’s moncler sale and have 2 healthy, beautiful children aged 2 and 6 months. He is a great dad and I think we are working well together as parents most of the time I am very thankful for what we have together. Through our relationship of 7 years (3 married), we have discussed how many children we wanted and had agreed to 3. Both times I have been pregnant, he has hoped for twins, confirming in my mind that a third baby would be considered a blessing. He is in the military and we live far away from family and get posted around the country every few years. Right now, I have my dream job with a pension and benefits (including maternity pay) and in many ways dread the idea of having to quit when he gets posted next, although I do accept that it is a reality of the military family lifestyle and he does what he can to get postings that are in line with my career goals too. moncler sale outlet
When our first child was born, my husband was eager for me to get pregnant again as soon as I was willing, as we wanted our children to be close in age, so by the time our first baby was 6 months old, we were planning when to have another. I worked hard to get back in shape and return to work so we could save for education, pay for child care, and plan another pregnancy. Baby 2 came in April I have gotten back in shape, and although our sex life isn’t as moncler mens jackets fiery was it was cheap moncler pre kids, I am still nursing and we have 2 very young children and we still have sex 1 2 times per week. I would love to have one more baby and it has been weighing on my mind a lot. I think one more kid would be the max for me.
moncler jackets outlet Finally, we talked about it yesterday, and he says that he monlcer down jackets is almost certain that he is done having babies and clearly he had thought about it a lot because he had lots of good reasons for being happy with the number of kids we have: cheap moncler outlet 1) he wants us to retire young and live very comfortably therefore https://www.moncler-jacket-outlet.com we save money aggressively, 2) he wants to maintain his identity outside of his role as a parent and feels that each additional child will leave less time for us and him as his own person, 3) paying for a third child will mean that we can afford to visit our extended family less often, meaning less quality of relationship for our kids with aunts, uncles, grandparents, 4) he worries about overburdening me if he gets deployed. I don’t want to look back on my life and wish that our family was bigger. moncler jackets outlet
I really feel like I’d be giving up something that I moncler outlet online really want in my life and it’s very painful to consider that my family is not going to grow any bigger when I thought for sure it would. moncler sale outlet I feel like I’m already giving up a lot by moving around and putting my career second to his, so although I respect that he doesn’t want to overburden me or himself, paradoxically I don’t want to give up my dream of a larger family when I am giving up other things such as my job every time he gets posted. Neither of us wants resentment to build over this, he is a great husband and dad. Right now I feel strongly that I’m losing something very important, although I would rather have 2 kids and healthy marriage than 3 kids and a divorce.
cheap moncler coats Your thoughts on how to move forward? I feel kind of nuts for feeling such grief over a theoretical person who does not exist. cheap moncler coats
moncler outlet sale You are basicallythe same person as me, so I feel uniquely qualified to tell you that you are right and your husband is wrong. Just kidding, but we are very similar. I was also an only childwho was lonely and yearned for siblings, and I also had my first two kids 1.5 years apart. My husband would have been fine stopping with two moncler outlet (or probably even one) and I pushed really hard for 3. Unlike you guys, though,before having kids and even after having two, I was still on the fence about 3, who is pictured above and who is the light of my life at age three right now. It wasn’t till my second was about a year old before I started really wanting the third. moncler outlet sale
moncler sale Your husband has always wanted a third, so this bodes well for you, but he may be in shell shock from having two kids in 1.5 years, which is hard on any marriage. Having a second kid is hard on marriages in general, and the closer the kids are, moncler outlet store the more challenging your day to day life is. So, it may well be that your husband is stressed out and can’t fathom adding to this stress right now, and since he’s a logical type of guy, he comes out with one million fact based reasons why he can never have another kid, rather than saying, “I’m so stressed out right now with two kids that I really can’t even have a discussion about a third for another year at least.” Note that he says “almost certain” and not “I would sever my own vas deferens with a rusty butter knife before having a third child.” moncler sale
First, you can try acceptance, and this perspective I shared with a woman who has two boys and also wants a girl. Considerseeing your own counselor, and working through your unresolved childhood grief and pain fromloneliness, resentment, and sadness. I am like you, and sometimes I think no amount of babies would be enough to fill up that hole, which is why despite sometimes wanting 4, I am abstaining (for now. 99%.)
But in general, people tend to regret what they don’t do rather than what they do. Fewer people regret having a kid than regret not having one, just as fewerguys regret not sleeping with that hot girl when theywere on Spring Break than regret actually doing it. (Use this analogy with your husband, but be prepared some some annoying comment like, “Not if it turns out she had chlamydia.”) Some other facts to lob at your facts oriented husband can include:
cheap moncler jackets sale Most people tend to think going from two to three kids is easier than one to two, since you’re already dealing with multiple kids, and by 3, you’re cheap moncler jackets sale
If you feelfulfilled and happy by having a third kid and completing your family(from your perspective at least) you’re likely to make a lot more money because you can really throw yourself into your career. Otherwise you’re going to be noodling around, hoping he gives you the say so for another kid,or throwing yourself compulsively into overparenting your existing kids as an outlet for your baby yearning.
moncler outlet online You’re totally right with that moving all the time for his job thing. Incidentally, has the dynamic generally been that he ends up convincing you to do what he wants in life? If so, that may be something to discuss in couples counseling. moncler outlet online
cheap moncler outlet WTF are you doing paying for five tickets every time anyone visits you? (Sorry, that wasn’t a fact, just something to explore.) cheap moncler outlet
cheap moncler jackets Basically, though, you can throw all the facts at him in the world, and it’s not going to change his mind, just as all his facts won’t change yours. So I think you have a better shot sitting down, conveying to him that this is really important to you, and asking if there are specific, concrete things that you could do in order to compromise on this issue and buy moncler jackets address his concerns. Some ideas include: cheap moncler jackets
Empathizing that right now, cheap moncler coats things are very hectic with two kids and you would like to defer this discussion for six months until things with two kids feel more under control
moncler outlet store Instituting a “rule” that each of you gets a half day per weekend to do whatever you want, thereby addressing his “no non parent identity” concern moncler outlet store
moncler jacket sale Making sure you’re responding to whatever his love languageis (I’m guessing sex just since it is for many guys) and directly address his concerns about not having enough time for sex with three kids running around. moncler jacket sale
cheap moncler Expressingthat you will continue to make the relationships with extended family a priority, and that, out of all people on earth, it appears that you with your childhood history of estrangement and loneliness would be the person who would be most likely to invest effort into all family relationships. cheap moncler
moncler Moncler Outlet outlet jackets Have a very concrete discussion in six months, possibly with a financial planner, about how much money you guys need for retirement if you retire at various different ages, how much should be invested in what ways, and a plan for how you can add to the family income when the third child, if you have one, is old enough to go to preschool or elementary school. moncler outlet jackets
If all of this doesn’t move your husband and it is something that is super important to you in six months as well, start seeing a couples counselor who cheap moncler jackets may provide a safe space and new insights. Keep me updated and send me pics in two years of either your new baby or your piles of money in the bank. I will ooh and ahh over either. Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says,My Kids Already Know They Better Get Scholarships Because College For Three Kids In 15 Years Will Likely moncler outlet sale Cost One Million Dollars.
This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest.
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moncler outlet uk Learn about Dr. Rodman’s private practice, including therapy, coaching, and consultation, here. This blog is not intended as diagnosis, assessment, or treatment, and should not replace consultation with your medical provider moncler outlet uk.