EDIT: This story was published in our annual April Fool’s Day Issue.
Wealthy Texas philanthropist and oil tycoon, Adam Finkle, has announced his purchase of the Elbow Cay Reef Lighthouse in Hope Town. He intends to dismantle the famous landmark and have it rebuilt on his private island in the Exumas.
“I love Abaco,” said Mr. Finkle, “but I find I’m spending more time at my home in Exuma. So, I thought to myself, how do I bring a little bit of Abaco back with me?”
Mr. Finkle claimed he got the idea from the Cloisters. The Cloisters is a monastery that was dismantled in France in the 1920s and rebuilt in Nassau.
“I know the country has struggled some financially,” Mr. Finkle explained, “so I was able to strike a deal with the government. The purchase price will go a long way towards helping your country’s debt.”
Mr. Finkle hinted further that for the undisclosed amount he paid for the lighthouse the controversial VAT Tax may be delayed or averted altogether.
Speaking to the inevitable backlash, he said, “I know some folks are going to be upset. But I would not be going through all this trouble, buying the lighthouse and moving it brick by brick, if I planned on desecrating it in any way. It’s staying in the country… it will just be on a different island.”
Finkle explained that part of his deal with the government, which is ever-ready for the opportunity to create Bahamian jobs, was that the labour for dismantling the Lighthouse would go to an Abaconian contractor.
“The reason I’m talking about my plans now is that I need to get the contract out to tender for APRIL 1.”
Some may remember Mr. Finkle as the financier behind the LEER Group, which tried last year, unsuccessfully, to import coyotes to Abaco in order to deal with the feral raccoon problem.